It's just life
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.

the past revisited

Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005
He was the first person she ever thought she could spend the rest of her life with. However, she was so fiercely independent and constantly proclaimed she didn't need him.

They dated other people, but would frequently share the same bed and talk about the distant future. Some day, some day.

He turned into her everything. So much of her was defined by him. Yet, they could never get it together.

Finally he left. When he came to get his belongings they screamed at each other and she wonders where the picture is that his mother took so many years ago. A picture where she refused to even fake a smile.

He'd call her in the middle of the night and tell her what a horrible person she was for leaving him because she promised she never would. After awhile the phone calls stopped.

Then, one spring, she gets an e-mail that simple says:
Just thought you would want to know I might be dying

She quickly rummaged through a box of old things to find his mother's phone number. Nothing about him dying was indicated in the phone call and the next e-mail she received was:
I can't belive you called my mother. I'm never speaking to you again.

That was 6 years ago.

Through friendster last spring, she found him and sent him a happy birthday message. He responded:
Thank you for remembering my birthday after all
these years. You were always so thoughtful and
kind. I miss your friendship and I'm sorry I was not
a better friend to you. If you like you can mail me
direct. That is if you want of course.

After a round of e-mails he started calling her. He was seperated from his wife. And his weekend addiction to cocaine seemed to be the root of it all.

Come summer they were speaking to each other every other day.

By fall, he convinced her to come visit him.

She did.

Out one night in Seattle with a mutual friend of theirs, she discovers something she'd been wondering about. He completely blocked the time they were living together out of his memory. He only remembers being friends with her. He doesn't remember the "rest of our lives" stuff. He doesn't remember throwing her things off the balcony because she wanted to move out.

She was violently upset and her aggression came out through the form of words. It's as if she made it all up and if it weren't for witnesses she'd have thought she did.

Now, he wants her to move to Seattle and live with him. She responds, "you aren't even my boyfriend" and he responds, "I'm more important than any boyfriend you'll ever have."

9:29 a.m. ::
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