you could never publish my love

I'm listening to the new Rogue Wave album and ruminating on life. What better to do than update this place.

After several crazy nights over the course of a couple of weeks I have decided to stop drinking for a little while. I need to be in control of my faculties and I keep doing stupid girl things whenever intoxicated. Leaving notes on ex-lover's cars and sending inappropriate text messages to inappropriate people at inappropriate times.

So, a change is in order.

I really don't know how to be in love. I find my actions purely motivated by my libido.

So, there's that.

I think I want a boyfriend, but certainly don't act like I do. I am flirt. I am an attention whore. You would think 4 years of therapy would have moved me to a better pyschological place. Granted I don't want to slit my wrists on a daily basis anymore.

So, I got that going for me.

I'm not doing what I love. I'm not doing what I am most passionate about. I am scared of failure. I am afraid of being poor.

So, what's a girl to do?