funeral day part 1

The funeral is this morning. Many of the friends only went to the wake last night. As C.J. said, "I don't want to impose at the funeral."

What the fuck does that mean? I've never been to a funeral where the dead person's family said, "oh my god, I can't believe they came--they hardly even knew my son!"

I mean really. Most people are glad so many people are at the funeral--no one really cares how or why you knew the dead person.

For me...I need the closure of a funeral. I need the pomp and circumstance, all they praise jesus he has risen indeed crap. Even if I don't believe in all of it, that's how I was raised to deal with dead people. It's almost like I don't really think or feel they're dead until I see that casket ready to be put in the ground. I need the finality of that.

I still haven't cried since I found out the news. I imagine I'm going to be a fountain at the funeral.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to wear.

Mainly, because I never want to wear it again.