It's just life
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.

damn subconscious

Tuesday, Apr. 17, 2007
My subconscious has a lot of issues.

Just when I think I've tricked my mind into thinking I'm skinny, Jacob is off the drugs, Jacob loves me regardless of how big or little I am, Jacob will never leave dreams overpower all those thoughts.

I've lost 40 pounds and now I'm stuck. I realize it isn't a work out/eat less problem, it is a deeply rooted subconscious problem. In the last week I have had dreams I was so fat I could barely fit through a door, but I thought I was skinny. Dreams that Jacob secretly things I'm a fat, ugly slob and is selling coke to all my friends. That he doesn't really love me, but for some unknown reasons just pretends that he does.

I don't want to be this woman any more.

I don't know how to change my subconscious. I guess if I just keep telling myself, reminding myself these things are true I'll get over it. I don't really know what else to do.

10:25 a.m. ::
prev :: next