awful

Something truly awful was said to me by my drunk best friend last night. It caught me totally off guard and I didn't even get a chance to respond because someone came up to talk to us.

Today her memory is very fuzzy of the night's events. She fucked up on multiple levels with several people and I have to just give her this one. She wasn't trying to be mean. She actually was trying to be positive, but I can't stop thinking about it. So much, I started crying this afternoon.

Sometimes the truth really hurts. Sometimes the dark things you believe about yourself turn out to be true.

I have two options, I can let it gnaw at my soul or I can do something about it. It's something I have to change. It's something I want to change. It's something I try to change.

But I just didn't need to hear it when my self-esteem is generally in the shitter lately and it's no one's fault but my own. She was trying to make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse.

And it was in relation to something someone else said about me and I was appalled by it. I couldn't even understand who in her life would say such a thing to her. I couldn't understand why she would be friends with such a person.

As true as the statement was.