Let the future planning begin again

I just started crying and don't know when I'll stop. The last four months have been really more horrific than I would admit to anyone. But now it's over. At least for now.

There's nothing wrong with my bone marrow. I do not have leukemia. I might have some sort of hidden cancer or lupus, but no worries until I start showing other symptoms or my white blood cell count drastically increases. This just might be how my blood is.

I really don't know what to do with myself right now. I want a hug from one particular person who is so far away from me right now.

I don't know if I want to scream or dance or go to bed. I just really want the next two weeks to drift by effortlessly until I get to see his smiling face and kiss his lips. Until then this feeling of limbo won't totally release from my being.

I feel like my life has been a really bad dream much of this year. Lots of really shitty things happened and here I am on the precipice of a new year and I'm back to where I started.

Or am I?