the c word+

I have learned when someone says those words you are more than likely going to freak out.

There is some unknown, hidden infection in my body...or cancer. There I wrote it. Maybe it won't be so scary now.

There is a small cache of friends that know. I do not want sympathy. I do not want to talk about it. I do not want you to freak out until I know more. But I had to tell them. Everyone knew I was going to the doctor. But none of us were ready for that.

Jacob is all of the sudden on top of it all, snapped out of his pit of despair and is trying to take care of me the best he can. Just a few days ago he could barely see tomorrow and now he sees months and years from now. I think he's making all these future plans for us because that's all he really can do to counterract the reality that there might not be a future and we have no control over that.

Control. None of us have any.