not afraid anymore

Your freak out is officially over and you see how I was right. You say how you're ready, and yet you can't stop drinking until Sunday. "What if we just lie?" you ask and all I can think about is how I want to be done with this. I drive to Chicago to see my favorite band of the day and all I think about is you. How every song is played for me...and you. I've spent the last few days dealing with your life, doing things you should be doing. I love it because I am learning. I am learning about drug addiction and rehab and really all these things I knew nothing about before.

Something in me has changed. You see, I see it, everyone sees it. It was the storm. The literal storm. The spiritual storm as we've been calling it. It sounds crazy and weird and something on t.v., but it hapened to me. I stood in the storm and something deep inside of me told me it would be okay. Since then I stopped being so afraid. I say what I think, I do what I say and no, I do not buy your bullshit.

You talk about how much this turns you on. You talk about how you wish I would have always been like this.

Me too, I think, me too.

In less than 12 hours I will be standing in front of you on the curb of the airport road. I have no idea where we're going. But I do know I will smile at you. I do know I will hold your hand. I do know that all of the sudden I do really believe am I am the smartest, most amazing, most funny, most beautiful girl in the room, just like you've always said.

I know know that I am not afraid anymore.