I can face the curse of being in love

When things are the best they have been. When things are moving forward instead of stuck in some sort of surreal, record skipping monotony. When we are talking about real things. When we are talking about how we feel and future plans and all of our fears. When we call each other just to tell each other we love each other and for no other reason. When we talk about how we can't imagine lying in another person's bed.

I let someone else fuck me.

I have permission under the new "don't ask, don't tell," policy. But I hate having a secret from the one person I tell everything to.

I wonder aloud to my therapist if I'll ever be able to be faithful. She tells me if I was real, if was really real with him, totally naked emotionally and physically with him, I wouldn't ever need to have sex with anyone else ever again.

I wonder to myself if that's true. I wonder to myself if I can ever be fixed.