It's just life
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.

decisions, decisions

Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
I am utterly incapable of decision making.

I told him I was terrified of making the wrong decision. That I had to make a decision based on me and not based on him and what he needed at that very minute.

He said, "I don't even know, are we dating or not?"

I avoided that question entirely.

The thing is, I need to make a change. A big one. I definitely feel pulled in a certain direction, but I don't know if I feel pulled that way because it's the safest out of all the big decisions.

It all comes down to these factors:
* Moving and not having a job, thus being broke.
* If I move somewhere just to be with him my mother will most likely disown me.
* I'm still not sure if I want to be his "life partner" as he calls it.

I do know day isn't complete unless I've talked to him. I miss him horribly.

Love vs. logic.

Cuz I also am well aware that he's currently fighting a drug addiction and severe depression.

He wants to believe that we'll both be at least a little bit happier if we are together. I want to believe him. But I said, "what if we're not? what if it's not enough?"

Because of him I stopped believing in big love so many years ago. And yet, when I'm "with" him, it's hard not to believe in it.

He said he'd move here if I want to stay here. I just need to decide.

11:14 a.m. ::
prev :: next