It's just life
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.

more to the story than this

Tuesday, Jun. 21, 2005
He still wants her to be there with him.

She tells him he needs to figure out his priorities and get a fucking backbone. She said she'd look for one for him on the Internet.

He said he'd list them out and call her later in the week.

He is her respite from reality at the moment. She never tells him the real stories, the full stories about what a stupid girl she is or how she gets drunk a lot because she just can't deal.

Her "detailed description" of the weekends events were as follows:
"Thursday--stayed home, recovered from Wednesday. Friday I hung out with the cast and crew of TLC's Trading Spaces. That was cool until my friend had a panic attack and we had to leave. Saturday, went to a lame block party and lame Water St. and some other lame places, generally a lame night. And tonight I just went out and had dinner."

He asks her if it was a date.

She says no. Says she was out with her roommate, roommate's girlfriend, and a lawyer friend of theirs. But doesn't divulge the details of said friend.

There is so much between the words that she doesn't want him to know. Doesn't want him to know she wanted to makeout with the producer of Trading Spaces, but did tell him that Carter thought she had a pretty smile. She leads him to believe other people want her, but she is unavailable. Wednesday it was the Texas Oil Man who declared her one of the beautiful people.

"I try," she coyly confesses.

She overcompensates for the fact she still doesn't feel pretty enough for him.

Her therapist inquires, "but is he the kind of person you want to be with?"

She pauses, reflects, and responds, "he knows me better than anyone else."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I don't know."

1:02 a.m. ::
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