no passion

I think this is the longest I've gone without posting in here. Granted, I have my myspace blog, but it's fluff.

I am insatiable lately. Nothing satisfies me. Not food, not alcohol, not friends, not t.v., not men. Nothing.

I have found some solice in my iPod.

This is my life: work, workout, spend time with friends/family, occassionally go out and drink, melt whenever I see Colin and do nothing about it, Brandon's pseudo-girlfriend which makes me feel really bad about myself because as he said, "Rachel doesn't count," work, workout, watch t.v. (current drug of choice), direting a local high school play--which I love, wonder about these horrible headaches I've been having, play with the dogs, talk to old loves for hours at a time, work, workout, wonder what the fuck it's all about.

I feel like I have no passion, no reason for existence. I need something. But I can't quite figure out what it is. Or rather, I can't see myself giving everything up for what I really think I need to do.

Basically I'm afraid to get what I want.